


Dear Potter, We're both so old now.

by hummingafterhours



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:55:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingafterhours/pseuds/hummingafterhours
Summary: Boris and Theo are old now, Boris visits Vegas for the last time and writes a final letter to Theo.
Relationships: Theodore Decker & Boris Pavlikovsky, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky, boris - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Dear Potter, We're both so old now.

Dear Potter,

We're both so old now.

Is been a long time since we last met, maybe 40 years now? I do not know, perhaps you have forgotten me but I think probably not.

You might be surprised to hear from me, after Antwerp we did not speak much but I am nostalgic Potter. Ha! How are you my dear friend? and your little dog, is he still alive? I am well, I live floating between countries still- you know me, I could never settle down properly. Right now I am in Vegas, maybe that is what made me write to you? Is so strange to be back, like full cycle of life I think. Your house is not there anymore, just a vacant parking lot near a gas station. Is not so sad though, better that way than all those memories still there gathering dust.

Yes, shitty memories but also good . Like when we first tripped, your face ha! Everything was a grainy black and white but then it turned to colour, all seven fucking shades of the rainbow! Acid was expensive at time, but worth it for sure. Am mostly clean now though, well better than before at least. 

Have you quit? I have so many questions for you Potter, but when I see you I am reminded of so many regrets also. I think am maybe a coward for not facing them. That is one of reasons I did not call you after, but you did not call me either so I think maybe we are even? Probably not.

I look back now and realise that you were very unwell in head in Vegas. A therapist might have been good but you were given me for some fucking reason, fate no? We were both young and stupid, escaping problems with anything we could. You escaped your mother’s death and I escaped my always living father. He was a crappy man and even worse father but I loved him. Is funny, have not loved many people. Only ever two. Only age has made me realise what it means to love. I used to say it so much without ever understanding but I knew when I stepped in front of the gun that I loved you.

I am still so sorry for the painting, it is back now- thank god, but still it will haunt me forever but I am an old man now, Potter, so I think finally I can answer your question properly. Why did I take it?

We shared everything, sure, knew most things about each other. Some things you would not tell me but that was okay, I felt everything. Then you tell me about the painting, one thing and only thing in world you prize more than anything. Most important to you, I had to have it. Am so sorry, I was greedy, taking it was wrong but I had to have it, needed to. I think I am saying everything all wrong, but there is no clear line between wrong and right. I told you I do everything out of love, is true, stealing the painting was out of love but it was a selfish love.

And that was us, wasn’t it? A selfish love.

We were never meant to be the way we are, the way we will always be. Have always blamed it on so many things...youth, boredom, no girls. A lie I told myself, you told yourself it too. Life, eh?

Theo, you are the only weakness I have. You know that, of course you do, it will always be that way. 

We are both old now but in my mind I remember a boy with glasses, round like fucking Harry Potter.

Always,

Boris Pavilikovsky


End file.
